Nightmare and Confession
by Arihimew
Summary: Her past kept haunting her dreams every time she closed her eyes. She believed she could not love and be loved by anyone. So what would she do when her best friend confessed his love? MikadoxAnri.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Durarara and the characters.**

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The air was too heavy to breath. I exhaled, but there was not much air in my lungs to help me ease this invisible bruise I felt deep inside my chest. I trembled.

This was too familiar. This pain. This air. This tremble. World knew I have suffered these many things everyday.

But wait, world did not know it. No one knew. Except me, and the man and woman I called Dad and Mom.

Dad was still shouting to my mom, yelling words that I did not want to know the meaning. And mom, she was crying, just crying and kneeling in front of my dad. Tears never stopped rolling from her eyes. And I watched them cowardly from the corner of the room. Knees were flat to chest, my arms circled them. My face was emotionless.

I hoped they would stop doing that. But I had hoped it for years, but it never came true. Maybe I better stopped hoping.

Sometimes I thought that there must be nothing worse than here. Even the battlefield was so much better. At least if I were in the middle of the battlefield, I could die and stop hearing guns and shouting if I closed my eyes for a second. But in here, no matter how hard I tried to block my eyes and ears, I did not die and still hearing things.

I don't know why were they shouting and crying all night. Was it my fault? Probably. Since Daddy now pointed his finger to me while yelling harsh words to mom. Mom replied with a loud sob. And then there was it, one of the familiar sounds that I hate. It was the sound when a skin touch other's skin violently. I do not like the sound; I used to feel my heart was aching badly every time I heard it. But now I did not feel the ache anymore. My heart had been numb, but I still hate it.

I hate the sound. I hate the pain. I hate the shouting. I hate the cries. I hate the air. I hate the tears. I hate the tremble. I hate. I hate my dad. I hate. I hate. I hate. I hate my mom. I hate. I hate. I hate. And I hate myself more than anything.

I kept muttering the same things in my attempt to block the noise around me. And in some point, I became numb and number and number.

So I shut my eyes tightly. Hoping that the next time I woke up, I had died already.

Xxx-xxX

"Sonohara-san."

I slowly opened my eyes, trying to adjust my eyesight with the beam of orange light. I wandered my eyes to grasp the place.

Identified: Classroom.

"Sonohara-san, are you alright?" the same voice called me once more. I blinked.

"Ryugamine-kun."

Then I remembered suddenly that I was waiting for him before I drifted to sleep. He asked me to wait for him after school. He said he wanted to tell me something.

"I'm sorry for making you wait, Sonohara-san. But Kirishima-sensei wanted me to help him sort some files in the teacher's room. So…" he rubbed his hair nervously.

"It's fine." I looked down to the table. I could feel his nervousness spreading in the air around us, capturing me in and I could not help to not feel the same way too.

He laughed, still nervously. I felt his gaze fixed on my head, and I could not help to feel anxious.

"A-ano… Sonohara-san, th-there's something that I want to tell you." He stammered.

I stared at my table a second longer before looked up at him.

Of course I vaguely knew what he would tell me. A confession. A love confession more precisely. To be honest, I did not know what I should tell him if he said so. I did not know whether I loved him or not. I did not even know what love was. Or how beautiful it was. I did not understand why people loved to be loved so much. What was so right about it?

For me, the entire picture about love was blurred. And scary.

How come two people who loved each other, ending up married, and then having child, becoming the most evil thing in the world?

Remembering my dream, and my past, I looked at him with a slight pain in my face. Even though love was cruel in my eyes, the idea of making this young man in front of me sad was too mean for me.

"I, umm, I…"

I stood up. Probably, if I stopped him right now, it would alleviate his pain.

"Ryugamine-kun, I—"

"I love you."

I gaped. He stared at me with face filled with red, but his eyes showed determination and truth. And care. And protection. And shelter. And… love?

"I love you, Sonohara-san. More than anything in the world."

I did not know what to say. "Why?" That was all I had in mind. Why. And I voiced it. "Why? Why me?" I muttered in low voice.

Yes, why me? Why someone loved this me? The me whom I hate, but why did he say he loved me?

"Eh, why? Th-that's because…" he stammered, his eyes looked away for a second before they came back to my face. To my eyes. "I, I don't know. But, but every single time I am with you my heart pounds fast and faster, and when you are not around I feel like losing something. When I see you smile, I swear I can see the whole world is smiling too and somehow the sun shines more beautifully. When I see you have a sad face, I feel the same way too, and all I want to do is to make you smile again." He blushed, but his voice was serious.

I looked back at his eyes. I hoped I could see a slight lie in his eyes. Please, just a little trace of lie to convince me to deny him.

"I love you that much, Sonohara-san. No, much much more, to the point where it become indescribable."

Did everyone know that love sounded that beautiful?

"I, I…" Now it was me who stammered. I wanted to run away, but in the same time I wanted to move closer to him. "I, I don't…"

"You don't… love me?" he dropped his face. "I, I think I unders—"

"No, that's not what I meant." I looked down. God, if you were there, I was so deadly confused right now. "I still don't understand what it is love, or what I feel about you. I, I mean, I do care about you. I want you to know that. I do not want to see you sad. But," I hesitated. I never told anyone even a slight story about my family. I kept looking at my hand. "but I have this nightmare of my past that keeps haunting me. I'm afraid that it'll burden you if I accept you, so I…"

I should refuse him, right?

God, please forgive me for hurting him. It was for his own sake after all.

"Ryugamine-kun, I—"

I could not finish my sentence, because suddenly I felt his warmth embraced me. I did not know when he moved, but so suddenly, and so sweetly, his arms were around my body, circled me with his warm. And at the same time, I lost all stupid words I nearly spilled. I did not know that I was trembling before he soothed me with a gentle rub against my back.

"Someone told me that if I really love you, I must not look away no matter what happen. No matter what I see, no matter what I learn about you, I may not look away. Once I've got you in my arms," he held me tighter, "I must not let you go. The day I heard it, Sonohara-san, was the day when I promised to love and protect you with all my might. It was the day when I swear to make you wake up and meet more happiness that I offer you.

"I will try to understand and walk away if you reject me because you don't love me, Sonohara-san, I promise I will try to. But if you reject me because you're afraid to burden me with your past, then I will not let you leave me. Because I will withstand all of hell to be with you. That's what I promise to you, to myself." His body shook. He must have mustered all his bravery to say something like that, I knew, but…

"You don't understand. This past has been unable me to trust anyone, to love anyone. I'm empty inside this shell. Don't you see? I can't love anyone anymore! " I thought tears had fallen down to my cheek.

"You are not empty, Sonohara-san. If you are, then you wouldn't run to save Kida-kun back days. If you are empty then you wouldn't challenge that Orihara guy? Didn't you do it because of what he did to Kida-kun and us? And didn't you say to me a while ago that you care about me? Aren't those enough to prove that you are not an empty shell?"

"It's…"

"Didn't you say to me that you _think_ you love Kida-kun, and that's why you feel lonely? Isn't it another prove that you are not empty?"

"Th…"

"But if you are still not convinced that you aren't an empty shell, then please, Sonohara-san, please let me help you fill your emptiness. I will give you everything so you won't feel the same way anymore. I will erase the loneliness you feel. Haven't I told you that I will make you happy no matter what?"

I sobbed. Oh, I sobbed.

Unconsciously, I buried my face to his chest, my hands gripped on his uniform. I did not know what to say, what to do, and I even could not figure out what to think right now. I tried to sob silently. I wanted to push him away, but his presence here felt too right to let go.

Then I decided to stop thinking and let my body and instinct taking control.

And they controlled my hands to circle his neck and led my lips to touch his.

His lips were soft to mine, and between his shocks I felt his body trembled after the sensation for a second before he slowly kissed me back.

We broke the kiss when our lungs started to cry for breath. I once again leaned my face to his chest and hugged him, but this time more gently. He was surprised by my action, I could tell. I did not know why, but somehow I felt that I have done the right thing.

"Ryugamine-kun…"

"Y, y, yes?" he stammered, and I found that it somehow sounded sweet.

"Your heart is pounding fast." I said slowly, allowing my heart to form the words. "I can hear it. And it's getting faster."

"Th, that's because you are here hugging me." He looked down to see me, and his breath on my ear sent a mysterious jolt to my spine. It was strange, but yet such meaningful. And beautiful. And it soothed me more in someway.

"Really?" I hugged him more. "I think I love it."

"Eh?"

"No." I looked up to stare back at his cool gray orbs. "I love you too."

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**It's done, it's done! God, I honestly couldn't believe that I did write it until the end. I know it's just a rather short one-shot, but please my dear reader, I am not a typical romantic person, and writing a love confession like this made my back itchy :P But I really enjoyed writing this, they are my favorite characters after Shizuo anyway :D**

**Thanks a bunch for reading. I really appreciate how you feel about this story. So come on, don't be shy, review please **


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